Grace

This the first piece I wrote in earnest. I was a college student sorting out my salvation. I received Christ when I was five. Between that and being a college student was a lot of life. I was not one to dabble in risky behavior. I was a cautious child and not a risk taker. However, my tendency was to need to be right. I liked the last word in an argument and was not a gracious friend when I came to making sure my friends had the “right” information. I was prideful and willful about my decisions, attitudes and words.

This tendency made some of my friendships difficult and full of conflict. It made my relationships at home difficult and brought strife where there didn’t always need to be. It was my personal lesson in grace. I was about 18 when I had a revelation of grace that I hold with me to this day. It was a season fraught with turmoil and uncertainty. I moved twice in one summer and found my job didn’t have the hours I was expecting. This lead to a lot of time alone in the quiet.

The combination of my developing adult psyche and my time alone lead to a decision I have never regretted. I decided to challenge God. It’s an interesting step, isn’t it. Not necessarily advice you would hear during a sermon at church. But God is a self revealing God. He does not hide or shield Himself from us. Instead, He embraces us, loves us, and gets in our muck with us. He can handle our big emotions, fears, problems, questions, tantrums, etc. He is not threatened by our smallness, anger or confusion. He is God and able to meet us where we are at and transform us into beyond what we can hope or dream for.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3:20 – 21

So that’s what I decided to challenge God on. I told Him that if He is who He says He is then I was asking Him to show up, to teach me, show me how to hear His voice in my life and follow His ways. I told Him I would show up and open up Scripture, study it and wait for His revelation (only that which followed the context and reasonable interpretation of Scripture; more on that another time). What I didn’t know was that a huge transformation was about to take place.

I can only say this: He showed up! Scripture came alive in my heart and mind. It started to take root in a way only memorization couldn’t touch. In this fresh revelation of Christ and my salvation all my faults and flaws, pride, fear, worry, control, etc, became magnified. This is the place I believe all followers of Christ need to come at some point in their walk to truly begin to work out their salvation. It is the place where your deepest darkest sin is brought into the light of Christ. That sin needs to stare you in the face and you back at it in honest acknowledgement. Then you need to sacrifice it at the foot of the cross.

I want you to let that sink in, even as I am letting that wash over me again. My sin is to be a spiritual sacrifice to Jesus. He desires it, longs to take it, has already taken it. But here’s the best part, it’s not just a sin offering to Christ. It is an “exchange program.” It’s your crap, sin, unrighteousness, etc. for His righteousness, peace, joy, truth, love, etc. When you offer your sin to Christ, He gives you transformation. You don’t have to obey that call to sin any longer. You can now obey a new master, a loving master who has your best at heart. One who sends you a helper to forge the transformation from being bound to sin to bound to righteousness.

My sin is to be a spiritual sacrifice to Jesus. He desires it, longs to take it, has already taken it.

That my friends is grace. It is so bountiful in the kingdom of heaven. You can never run it dry or use it up. As a wise pastor once said, “God already factored in your stupid.” You can’t do enough to run out of grace with God.

The song I’ve included here was from that beginning season of transformation, of grace. It was a season of learning to see myself not as a sinner, but as a saved saint being transformed into the likeness of Christ day after day. The original lyrics, which are not sung here, include ideas about what I thought I saw God as, His disappointment in me and sadness at who I had become. I thought my efforts to transform myself were a disappointment to God as they were to myself. But as I got to the second verse I wrote that God sees His child, a precious and loved daughter of God. I had learned there was no disappointment then and would not be ever. I was in the process of transformation. I was only a child learning to be like my King.

I must say after almost 20 years of practicing this, there is still so much transformation I need to undergo. I still need to remember that I am not a disappointment or just shy of failing at *fill in the blank.* I have learned God does not quit, give up, or become overwhelmed at this task of transforming me. He is a patient and gentle teacher, not willing to give me over to my own ends. In this truth I can rest.

Let me encourage you today, whether your story is full of sordid details, poor choices upon poor choices and rock bottoms or full of less “impressive” sin, you have a Heavenly Father who is ready and willing to receive you, transform you and go with you always. Even when your nerves are frayed and instead of a nice prayer, you stomp your feet and as God why with a bad attitude. Even when you are weighted down with a the cares of the world and feel like you might suffocate under their weight. Even when you lack the faith to know what to trust. He is there, holding you, leading you. Trust there is light. Trust there is a path. Trust in His grace.